Great piece Brianne! I do meditate regularly. I find the key is having a time of day that works well, and a regular spot to go to. This takes planning out of the equation and it just becomes more automatic. I probably have advantages as a single person with no kids. Ie. it might be a bit easier to find time/space. I do live with my parents currently, but I wait until they’ve gone to bed, and I have a favourite spot in the family room I go to. I have fallen out of my exact meditation routine recently with my brother and three kids visiting for two weeks. And I’ve had lots of big emotions that I end up trying to give space to at night. I also suffer from insomnia a bit, but I’ve started to listen to a yoga nidra meditation the past few nights in bed, which seems to be helping. In terms of the effects, it’s probably hard to truly say. It definitely hasn’t made me into a willpower machine haha. However, I do find it’s a great way to help regulate my emotions, and take care of myself. I find that my relationship with myself is growing through regular practice, and that is a good thing. I try to mainly stick to more zen like meditation of a still mind and releasing thoughts, which I learned through centering prayer. However, I always use the space to pray at times when I need to, as I am a person of faith as well. But I do find meditation most beneficial when I spend a solid twenty minutes in the zen mode. I feel most refreshed that way and it is truly a spiritual experience when I sink deeply into it. There have been times when I set a timer, which can be a good way to start getting into to it, even just a few min at a time. Now I can comfortably sit for forty min or so without a timer, but it’s not really a competition- I simply enjoy it that much!
Matt, thanks so much for sharing your experience with meditation — it's fascinating! I love that you have come to enjoy it so much that 40 minutes is doable and pleasant. Feeling refreshed and a spiritual experiences sounds amazing. And you make such a wise point about doing it at the same time in a regular space. I hadn't thought much about the bedtimr hours, but I think I'll try that! I wake up ready to do my writing routine and that might be why I haven't been able to pile in another thing I'm sort of unsure about and feeling discouraged. It's really terrific that you are giving space to your big emotions and recognizing them, which seems so rare and underutilized. This is all very inspiring and reassuring to read. Thanks again for sharing your experience and giving me more reasons and interest in trying meditation again. I really appreciate it!
I should add a few caveats - I don’t want to paint a blissful picture of meditation. Or, at least my experience anyhow.
I haven’t heard it said this way, but I think a part of meditation is failure. Or, at least, perceived failure. What I mean is that if we think of meditation as emptying our thoughts what we find is that in meditation we have lots of thoughts. In some ways the practice of meditation for me is a practice of letting go. Sometimes I get really frustrated by being bombarded by intrusive thoughts in meditation and it’s easy to give up. That’s probably why a lot of people to do. I think in a way it’s meant to be uncomfortable, but it’s also a practice of pushing through that discomfort, which is when/why the benefits really come.
I think it’s also important to note that the spiritual highs I experience do not happen every time I meditate. And often when they do it’s only for a minute or two. I imagine it’s what runners might feel, although I also imagine their highs from endorphins are a little more consistent and predictable, but even for them I bet there’s runs that suck, and that those highs only come with putting in the work.
Okay, and last confession! It’s amazing how important routine is. Family visiting has really thrown me off my meditation practice. It’s kind of a mental health thing too for me, but it’s amazing how quickly we can lose a good habit we’ve worked hard to build, or how easily we can form not so healthy ones. The challenge of being human I guess.
Anyhow, all the best with it! And if you have any questions message me. I’m by no means an expert but I really do love it:) Oh, and I’ll paste the link to that yoga nidra meditation- I really love it as a guided one. It does have Vedic/eastern spirituality in it, but if that’s not a barrier for you it’s a really great relaxing and restorative meditation.
Sorry - one last practical thing. If you’re hoping to start/build a sitting zen like practice, without a guided meditation/app, I’d suggest using a timer. Start with 5 minutes. Build a routine around that. When that feels good go to 10min, then 15. A more experienced friend told me a regular 20min practice is about average/a good length of time to work towards and stay at, and is manageable with most people’s work loads/routines. And when you think about it 20 min is not that much time, but it is hard to learn to sit that long in silence while letting go of your thoughts and distractions, which would be the last thing I’d say - put away/turn off/silence all possible distractions ie. phone/apple watch etc.
Matt, thanks so much for these helpful caveats. (And I'm sorry for the late reply; the back-to-school has gotten me a bit scrambled this month so far!) It sounds like meditation is one of those things that's a journey, not a destination; not a eureka, but more like a slow evolution of your own awareness and coping, the "failure" included. It's all very interesting. There is definitely something to be said for learning to be comfortable with discomfort. And your point about routine is well taken. So easy to get sidetracked (as I have lately!). I really appreciate all the tips and thoughts — it's given me a lot more to consider and a wider lens for thinking about meditation, not to mention a greater curiosity and willingness to try again.
Great links. The aquifer situation is terrifying because I've read a similar issue exists here in Australia. Meditation? I succeeded at mostly regular meditation (after a false start or two) by using Headspace app. Been at it now since 2017, helped by several life stressors which made me very motivated to start with. I recently was encouraged to do breathwork. I use a modified box breathing technique: in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6, hold for 4. Its designed to calm your parasympathetic nervous system. I noticed when I drove or had difficult conversations I would hold my breath, and began to consciously exhale. That got me interested. My exercise physiologist says breathwork benefits are dose dependent, and 20 minutes is the validated dose. I don't have kids, so that helps with finding time. Its part of my rest practice now, essential with ME/CFS. Letting go of expecting to be good at meditation or for anything to happen really made the difference, which is what the Headspace app did for me. Whatever gets you there, I guess. Plain knitting was nearly as good, and I still count is as meditation if I don't ruminate.
Michelle, thanks for sharing the view from Australia, though it's unfortunate to hear that the water crisis is also an impending problem there. I was hoping it was an America-specific problem (we have unfortunately many of those) and we could learn from other nations about better ways to conserve water. I wonder what countries are handling water usage well. I'm glad to hear the Headspace app has helped you develop a routine. A friend also recommended 10% Happier app and gifted me a trial, so I'm going to give it a try. And yes, breathwork! Isn't breathwork fascinating? The 4-4-6-4 method sounds intriguing; I've read that the key difference in calming your body through your breahting is having a longer exhale than inhale, so that makes sense that it would be more calming than 4-4-4-4. And letting go of expectations ... that seems to be the key to so much in life. Knitting as meditation sounds beautiful and makes me think that maybe we need a new word for meditation altogether. It feels like so much can play the role of meditation — walking, staring at waves or sky or mountains, in all great ways — that we could benefit from a more expansive word to help wrap our minds around it. Thanks, as always, for your wise and interesting thoughts and chiming in!
The longer exhale is the key for me. I can’t do breathwork very well when I’m too stressed as my breath catches unless I match where it is and wind it down gradually. Sometimes my counts are fast lol. There’s a fascinating discussion of the ethics and impact of indoor plumbing in Frank Trenterman’s epic Empire of Things (30+ hours on Audible and I enjoyed most of them). I warn you it made me feel guilty about 2nd bathrooms and frequent showering, both of which are so normal in Australia, North America and the UK.
Great piece Brianne! I do meditate regularly. I find the key is having a time of day that works well, and a regular spot to go to. This takes planning out of the equation and it just becomes more automatic. I probably have advantages as a single person with no kids. Ie. it might be a bit easier to find time/space. I do live with my parents currently, but I wait until they’ve gone to bed, and I have a favourite spot in the family room I go to. I have fallen out of my exact meditation routine recently with my brother and three kids visiting for two weeks. And I’ve had lots of big emotions that I end up trying to give space to at night. I also suffer from insomnia a bit, but I’ve started to listen to a yoga nidra meditation the past few nights in bed, which seems to be helping. In terms of the effects, it’s probably hard to truly say. It definitely hasn’t made me into a willpower machine haha. However, I do find it’s a great way to help regulate my emotions, and take care of myself. I find that my relationship with myself is growing through regular practice, and that is a good thing. I try to mainly stick to more zen like meditation of a still mind and releasing thoughts, which I learned through centering prayer. However, I always use the space to pray at times when I need to, as I am a person of faith as well. But I do find meditation most beneficial when I spend a solid twenty minutes in the zen mode. I feel most refreshed that way and it is truly a spiritual experience when I sink deeply into it. There have been times when I set a timer, which can be a good way to start getting into to it, even just a few min at a time. Now I can comfortably sit for forty min or so without a timer, but it’s not really a competition- I simply enjoy it that much!
Matt, thanks so much for sharing your experience with meditation — it's fascinating! I love that you have come to enjoy it so much that 40 minutes is doable and pleasant. Feeling refreshed and a spiritual experiences sounds amazing. And you make such a wise point about doing it at the same time in a regular space. I hadn't thought much about the bedtimr hours, but I think I'll try that! I wake up ready to do my writing routine and that might be why I haven't been able to pile in another thing I'm sort of unsure about and feeling discouraged. It's really terrific that you are giving space to your big emotions and recognizing them, which seems so rare and underutilized. This is all very inspiring and reassuring to read. Thanks again for sharing your experience and giving me more reasons and interest in trying meditation again. I really appreciate it!
Hey Brianne,
I should add a few caveats - I don’t want to paint a blissful picture of meditation. Or, at least my experience anyhow.
I haven’t heard it said this way, but I think a part of meditation is failure. Or, at least, perceived failure. What I mean is that if we think of meditation as emptying our thoughts what we find is that in meditation we have lots of thoughts. In some ways the practice of meditation for me is a practice of letting go. Sometimes I get really frustrated by being bombarded by intrusive thoughts in meditation and it’s easy to give up. That’s probably why a lot of people to do. I think in a way it’s meant to be uncomfortable, but it’s also a practice of pushing through that discomfort, which is when/why the benefits really come.
I think it’s also important to note that the spiritual highs I experience do not happen every time I meditate. And often when they do it’s only for a minute or two. I imagine it’s what runners might feel, although I also imagine their highs from endorphins are a little more consistent and predictable, but even for them I bet there’s runs that suck, and that those highs only come with putting in the work.
Okay, and last confession! It’s amazing how important routine is. Family visiting has really thrown me off my meditation practice. It’s kind of a mental health thing too for me, but it’s amazing how quickly we can lose a good habit we’ve worked hard to build, or how easily we can form not so healthy ones. The challenge of being human I guess.
Anyhow, all the best with it! And if you have any questions message me. I’m by no means an expert but I really do love it:) Oh, and I’ll paste the link to that yoga nidra meditation- I really love it as a guided one. It does have Vedic/eastern spirituality in it, but if that’s not a barrier for you it’s a really great relaxing and restorative meditation.
Sorry - one last practical thing. If you’re hoping to start/build a sitting zen like practice, without a guided meditation/app, I’d suggest using a timer. Start with 5 minutes. Build a routine around that. When that feels good go to 10min, then 15. A more experienced friend told me a regular 20min practice is about average/a good length of time to work towards and stay at, and is manageable with most people’s work loads/routines. And when you think about it 20 min is not that much time, but it is hard to learn to sit that long in silence while letting go of your thoughts and distractions, which would be the last thing I’d say - put away/turn off/silence all possible distractions ie. phone/apple watch etc.
What a great tip, thank you! 5 minutes does sound entirely doable. And a regular 20-minute practice sounds not so far out of reach either. Hmm ... :)
Matt, thanks so much for these helpful caveats. (And I'm sorry for the late reply; the back-to-school has gotten me a bit scrambled this month so far!) It sounds like meditation is one of those things that's a journey, not a destination; not a eureka, but more like a slow evolution of your own awareness and coping, the "failure" included. It's all very interesting. There is definitely something to be said for learning to be comfortable with discomfort. And your point about routine is well taken. So easy to get sidetracked (as I have lately!). I really appreciate all the tips and thoughts — it's given me a lot more to consider and a wider lens for thinking about meditation, not to mention a greater curiosity and willingness to try again.
Great links. The aquifer situation is terrifying because I've read a similar issue exists here in Australia. Meditation? I succeeded at mostly regular meditation (after a false start or two) by using Headspace app. Been at it now since 2017, helped by several life stressors which made me very motivated to start with. I recently was encouraged to do breathwork. I use a modified box breathing technique: in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6, hold for 4. Its designed to calm your parasympathetic nervous system. I noticed when I drove or had difficult conversations I would hold my breath, and began to consciously exhale. That got me interested. My exercise physiologist says breathwork benefits are dose dependent, and 20 minutes is the validated dose. I don't have kids, so that helps with finding time. Its part of my rest practice now, essential with ME/CFS. Letting go of expecting to be good at meditation or for anything to happen really made the difference, which is what the Headspace app did for me. Whatever gets you there, I guess. Plain knitting was nearly as good, and I still count is as meditation if I don't ruminate.
Michelle, thanks for sharing the view from Australia, though it's unfortunate to hear that the water crisis is also an impending problem there. I was hoping it was an America-specific problem (we have unfortunately many of those) and we could learn from other nations about better ways to conserve water. I wonder what countries are handling water usage well. I'm glad to hear the Headspace app has helped you develop a routine. A friend also recommended 10% Happier app and gifted me a trial, so I'm going to give it a try. And yes, breathwork! Isn't breathwork fascinating? The 4-4-6-4 method sounds intriguing; I've read that the key difference in calming your body through your breahting is having a longer exhale than inhale, so that makes sense that it would be more calming than 4-4-4-4. And letting go of expectations ... that seems to be the key to so much in life. Knitting as meditation sounds beautiful and makes me think that maybe we need a new word for meditation altogether. It feels like so much can play the role of meditation — walking, staring at waves or sky or mountains, in all great ways — that we could benefit from a more expansive word to help wrap our minds around it. Thanks, as always, for your wise and interesting thoughts and chiming in!
The longer exhale is the key for me. I can’t do breathwork very well when I’m too stressed as my breath catches unless I match where it is and wind it down gradually. Sometimes my counts are fast lol. There’s a fascinating discussion of the ethics and impact of indoor plumbing in Frank Trenterman’s epic Empire of Things (30+ hours on Audible and I enjoyed most of them). I warn you it made me feel guilty about 2nd bathrooms and frequent showering, both of which are so normal in Australia, North America and the UK.
https://youtu.be/rogU4H6LlEk?si=hVD1TQ9duEjTfXad